Holiness. The very word makes me cringe. Growing up in the south it ushers in visions of women who never cut their hair, wear extra-long denim skirts, and not a stitch of makeup. Aside from that vision, the very word holiness makes me simply exasperated. My flesh immediately is like “NOOoo!” Every time I read it, hear it, see it proclaimed, I stop dead in my tracks. In the last few days it has consumed my thoughts and today I had to get to the bottom of it.

I’m a talker. I talk to a lot of people everyday. Some conversations are like kiddie pools-shallow and just
enough to get a little accomplished. Most of my conversations, however, are more like the deep end of a pool. Conversations where we can dive in and really sort some stuff out. Whether it be politics, current events, or life happenings this is where the majority of my conversations go. Then there are my conversations with the Holy Spirit. Those are the conversations that start off in the shallows of the ocean and launch into the deepest of waters, where the currents are strong, and the waves can batter me to pieces.

Recently I was having a deep conversation with someone and we were talking about the state of “the church.” Not of the local assembly, but of the church as a whole. I am so glad that this conversation was with an elder disciple and not with a new believer. I was spewing off so much poison of “they act like they aren’t even saved” and “if they were saved such-n-such wouldn’t be so.” Thank God the elder called me what I was, A PHARISEE. Although, I kinda shrugged it off. I reassured myself, “When the Lord comes into your heart, He raises up a standard, and therefore these boxes need to be checked in order to show proof that you are saved: 1. You gotta be a giver, if you don’t give you don’t know God. 2. Jealous, if you’re jealous or envious you can’t be saved. etc, etc, etc”… blah, blah, blah. I should have learned by now that when I start down this path of explaining myself that a true correction is coming and about to slap me upside my head. I’ve been here many times in my life. It seems everything I ever fixed my mouth to say about someone else has always come back to “bite me in the butt.” I talked about the single mom with 5 kids that couldn’t keep her house clean, happened to me. I talked about people who went to jail, happened to me. I talked about people on drugs, happened to me. Everything I have ever fixed my mouth to say that it shouldn’t have the Lord has seen fit to teach me exactly why I needn’t do that. Yet here I was, in this conversation with this elder doing it again.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. I was blessed with an opportunity to preach at my church’s New Year’s service this year. It was my first time ever being in a pulpit and my knees were shaking so hard I really almost collapsed, but by the grace of God I made it. Although, I had no idea how to put a message together I persevered. You wouldn’t believe some of the backlash. Because of my transgression nearly a year ago there were people that actually got upset that I was invited to preach. “She just had a baby out of wedlock, how could she possibly be chosen to do that?” Of course my Pastors defended their decision and me, which means so much. But then here I am, completely crushed in spirit that someone would even say such a thing. I didn’t ask to preach, I was invited. I slipped one time, repented, and was still and am still paying the consequences for that. I will look at my sin, my transgression, for the rest of my life. Should I look at my child as a transgression? Does Jesus want me to look at my precious Kallai as a dirty sin? NO. I repented, He forgave me, and I needed to move on. But that isn’t really the case. In fact, that judgement put upon me did the opposite of what Jesus did. It didn’t set me free to proclaim the goodness and the great works of the Lord. No, it almost shut my mouth and made me cower in condemnation. THAT is the work of a pharisee. Remember when Jesus, the Disciples, & the Pharisees met the adultress woman at the well. The Pharisees asked Jesus if He was going to stone her (to death no less.) The law stated that was her punishment. Jesus stood up and told the adultress woman, “You are forgiven, go and sin no more.” The disciples were NOT perfect people with their checklists of “how not to sin.” They weren’t getting their pencils out and checking box 1. Don’t cuss. box 2. Don’t be a drunk. box 3. Don’t sleep around. Their salvation and therefore holiness was easy, because they were with Jesus. They were fully submitted to Him. They were different from the world around them. They weren’t pharisees and they weren’t sinners either. They were disciples. They were fully immersed in Jesus and who He was and how He healed and set people free. They were love struck by His love for the unloveable and awe struck by the amazing miracles He did. They kept their eyes on Him and therefore were holy.

Here comes that word holiness again. I know that being holy is a commandment not only of Yahweh but also of Yahushua. The command is listed in Leviticus by Yahweh and 1 Peter by Yahushua.

Leviticus 11:44 For I am the Lord your God: ye shall therefore sanctify yourselves, and ye shall be holy; for I am holy: neither shall ye defile yourselves with any manner of creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.

1 Peter 1:14-16 As obedient children, not fashioning yourselves according to the former lusts in your ignorance: But as he which hath called you is holy, so be ye holy in all manner of conversation;Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.

This morning I decided to delve deeper into this. In the Greek holy simply means “different, unlike, seperate from the world, likeness of nature with the Lord.” In the Hebrew it means to “sacred, set apart.”

HA! That word holiness that I have been so afraid of does not include a long list of “do not’s.” It simply means to be set apart, different from the world, having the very nature of Jesus. That certainly changes my perspective and sets me free. As long as I stay repentant and full of the love of Jesus, loving Him and others more than myself and more than this world, I am okay. I am not condemned. I am not a throw away piece of trash. I am holy. I can be holy. He told me to do it and therefore I can and even to the pharisees disapproval—I AM!

Glory to God! He is so good…

Phillipians 2:12
Light Bearers
12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;



Ever have one of those deep “Ah-Ha” moments? One of those moments where you are really quite certain that your entire life makes perfect sense; you finally get some understanding on why you do what you do. I had one of those moments today…It all centered around a tool of satan that he uses mightily in my life. His tool? Rejection.

For everything in the Kingdom of Yahweh, for every work of Yahushua ha Mashiach, for every miracle and chain Jesus busts off…satan has a counterfeit. Satan is so crafty that most of the “church” is sound asleep, slumbering away in cable tv, beyonce’ songs, and pinterest boards. Most of the “ecclesia” won’t even acknowledge the work of satan in them and through them; whether it be pride, or ignorance–I just don’t know. But I do know that I want to defeat this crafty sucker in every area of my life. I do know that I spent roughly 31 years or so with him winning everything. Whether it be through legal grounds, fleshly battles, or disobedience—that dirty, filthy thing has had his fill of my life. No more!

The word of God says in Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will NEVER LEAVE YOU, NOR FORSAKE YOU.

One of the greatest tools satan has ever used in my life has been rejection. Rejection is the complete opposite of what God has promised in His Word. We know that Jesus is with us where ever we go. We know the Holy Spirit lives WITHIN us. We know in our knower that God is with us. From an early age, I was rejected by my natural father whom I loved dearly. That was such an injury to my spirit man and to my flesh. If that is not your testimony, please, do not disregard what kind of a blow that can be to a person. My biological father was a Preacher, he played the trumpet in praise & worship in an Assembly of God, but by the time I turned 5 he had taken off. I saw him when I was 8 as he signed me over to my Dad and then I didn’t see him again until I was 15. He was dead and laying in a casket. By the way, he was still a preacher. If you cannot see how my perception of “churchianity” may be a little jaded, now you do. It is ONLY the Grace of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ that I am saved by the Blood. Only by Him…Because in the natural, I should still be running from the people and places that hurt me so. I went on to be rejected and dejected by others for nearly 30 years. Nearly 30 years or so of my life has been wasted and compromised, not living in the fullness promised to me in God’s Word…all because of REJECTION.

Rejection has you holding onto toxic people you shouldn’t.
Rejection has you chasing applause when you needn’t.
Rejection causes people pleasing, not of God.
Rejection causes…LOW SELF ESTEEM.
Rejection causes over eating, substance abuse, narcissism.
Rejection causes insecurity, even in secure relationships.
Rejection causes an orphan spirit.
Rejection is the root of much torment.

The devil has used this tactic on me since I was 4 years old. This might not be your testimony, but those who are tormented by rejection—God will NEVER reject you. You may miss out on things because of disobedience, BUT God will never leave you, nor forsake you. Don’t listen to the enemy.

Tonight I am binding rejection and it’s scars over my life, in the name of Jesus. I am asking for healing over all the dejected & rejected parts of my heart, in Jesus’ name. I ask for forgiveness for any rejections I may have caused for others. I receive forgiveness, I receive healing, I receive the Love of Jesus Christ.

Satan may have won a few battles, but I am onto that sucker now…
2 Corinthians 2:11 11 Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5 For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

We win the war.
Thank you Jesus!

New Year, Schmew-year

It’s that time again when we reflect & adjust for the new beginning of a new year (yipee!). I’m feeling reflective and instead of trying to make a “resolutions list” or “things I want to change about me list” I have actually asked God to speak to me for 2015. That sounds a little pretentious, but I really want God to speak to me and make it all about me! After spending so much time out of His perfect will in 2014, I have a deep desire to make sure I don’t miss His mark for my life in 2015. I believe that yes, God does speak today. The Holy Spirit is alive and is promised to us in the Word of God. I desperately desire for God to show me how to align myself with where He wants me–not where I want me. Where I want me has never worked out well at all! I found if I just pray in the direction of what I desire, hearken to His voice, and stay obedient—He takes me to the most amazing places.((every disciple of Jesus Christ has the Holy Spirit & therefore can have an ear to hear..CAN, meaning it IS possible))

I think it is most important to look back at the previous year and log what we learned.. I learned:

1. Delay is not denial, but delay is aggravating & irritating.
2. Obedience is better than sacrifice.
3. Perfect will is ALWAYS better than permissive will.
4. We battle with principalities and powers, but sometimes our flesh is more of an enemy than THE “enemy.”
5. It is important to surrender EVERYTHING. Not just the surface things that are easy to surrender.

More than reflecting on my hard earned lessons over the past year, I am PRAISING Him for keeping me. “I’m so glad I made it.” I went to the depths of Godly sorrow. I learned repentance is a verb, not a noun. I dredged through the mire of depression, self hatred, and even suicidal thoughts. I praise Him for giving me enough courage to allow Him to burn up all things unlike Him. “Pride comes BEFORE the fall, a haughty spirit BEFORE destruction.” Nearly a year ago my pride needed to be dealt with. The amazing thing is, had I not fallen into temptation and all the depression that followed I would still have a strong prideful stronghold on my life. Pride is a dangerous place. Pride will reassure you that everything you think is 100% on target. Pride makes you unteachable and unable to receive correction. Pride will have you saying, “Hey God, I am cool with or without you.” Pride is stubborn, self centered, and is like the thickest ear wax in your ears. You CANNOT hear from God if you are full of pride. You will be hearing something, it just won’t be God. Of all the things I hope are burned off of me, I hope pride is gone the most.
I am praising God for healing the little girl in me in 2014. I was talking with my Mother the night before a prayer breakfast my Pastor planned and I was determined to receive my deliverance for a situation that was ongoing in my life for almost 5 years. I couldn’t understand WHY I kept having this same issue, over and over, and over again dating back 20 years. The issue—holding onto relationships with men that needed to be loosed. Not just holding onto hope, NO! Holding on with a death grip even when I knew God was pulling me out of it and I even desired to be finished! Even still, I would hold onto these defunct relationships for dear life. I praise God that night that my Mother went way back to when I was about 4 years old. She reminded me how I would go around asking strangers and new people “Have you been to Texas?” “Do you happen to know Daniel Patterson?” I had totally forgotten that little girl. I then replayed when I saw him again at the age of 7. He came to my house to sign the adoption papers and while I was sent to my room He left. I had to push my way out of the door and I chased his white chrysler all the way down my drive way and into the street. It suddenly became so clear why I held on to all those men and I needed to let all that go. I have let go. I am still allowing the Holy Spirit to heal those scars in me. I believe I am already healed, I just have to process. In my praise I learned to forgive without apologies. I may never receive any apologies again. We still must forgive and loose the offense though. I learned my praise and adoration for Him can supercede any hurt, pain, and anger caused by the enemy. He IS the God of the Universe, the Master Orchestrator of our lives. He knows the very number of hairs on my head. He IS love. He IS comfort. He IS strength, joy, and peace. He is the peace that surpasses all understanding.
I learned something else pretty important and tying into the theme of dying to oneself for 2014; Keep my mouth off people. Uh-oh. Nobody expected me to say that, huh? You thought it was all an Oprah show? LOL…No, but seriously…Through all the hurt and despair, a lot of ugly stuff came out of my mouth in 2014..It pales in comparison to what comes out of some people’s mouths, but nonetheless (not deflecting, it’s me God!). “Out of the mouth flow the issues of the heart.” I am still asking forgiveness for things I’ve said. The cool thing is that God will kill that pride that gives you the stance to judge others and talk about them inappropriately. Which brings me to the most important lesson of all: LEGAL GROUNDS.
I learned that 85% of what happens to me is because I gave satan and his workers the keys to torment me. Unrpentant sin gives satan legal ground. We cannot even enter the spiritual realm without first repenting. Not breaking generational curses also gives him legal grounds. Putting your mouth on people gives him legal grounds. So stop it. God is not fixing to open the windows and pour out HIS blessings upon a proud, unrepentant, wicked servant. You may be getting blessed, but it ain’t God doin’ it.

2014 was a learning year. Just when I was so proud and thought I knew everything, I realized I know nothing. I most likely still know nothing and when looking at the end of 2015 too… I am looking forward to 2015. I see expansion and escalation. I see proper scheduling and organization. I see prayer time like I haven’t experienced. I see going places and meeting people I would never imagine I would. I see the good seeds I have planted on good ground over the last year and a half sprouting, growing, and ready for the harvest.

I was ironing the other day and I think I almost have enough press on my clothes to have an outfit or two for 2015. We need to let God press us, not only to get the wrinkles out. We need to allow Him to press us, because the pressing produces the oil. The oil is the anointing. I am excited for what God is doing in my life in 2015. I pray you are too!



Isaiah 26:3-4

You will keep him in perfect peace,
Whose mind is stayed on You,
Because he trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever,
For in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.


Recently, I was driving in my ol’ beat up Chevy Impala in total silence. I find myself doing this often these days. Even though I mostly listen to KLOVE sometimes even that becomes a distraction. The car has 268,943 miles on it and a fan that didn’t work for a year, until I finally got it fixed by a shade-tree mechanic at the junk yard. An awesome Woman of God told me to “speak life” over my car and miraculously it stayed going, and keeps going and going. Miraculous thing. 

Anyway, on that day I was riding and my thoughts were getting so loud, I turned on the radio. Lo and behold! There was that Katy Perry singing some song that although I can never remember the words, the beat is so entrancing I zoned out. My thoughts didn’t stop. The seducing beat kept luring me in and before I knew it I was day-dreaming off to la-la land. In fact, the melodic trance took me back to a place where I never want to go again. A time where I was bound in chains, heavily weighted with burdens I was never meant to carry. I was right there in my ol’ Impala having a flashback of getting ready at 7pm, pre-gaming, trying on outfits, pulling cheap crap clothes out of Rainbow bags….when suddenly the heaviness started to return. The heaviness of only being comfortable with myself when I was drunk, the heaviness of friends who didn’t care if I lived or died, the heaviness of “relationships” that were nothing more than getting self esteem boosts from empty sex. Panic and anxiety fell on my spirit and I smashed my hand so hard on that off button, I mighta needed stitches. (That’s southern speak for “I hit that sucka hard.”)

In that moment, everywhere & everything Yahushua had pulled me up and out of hit me.  I yelled out “Thank you JESUS! Thank you Jesus! Thank you Lord! Thank you for taking me out of that place”… tears and gratitude and just so much praise came bursting out in that moment. It was as if I was being delivered all over again. It was as if it was the first time of feeling that freedom all over again. I’m sure my red-light, worship time looked a little odd to the other drivers, but I just did not care.  By the time I got to the daycare, I composed myself, and went on in. 

Reaching down to pick up Kharielle who is just always so happy to see me you would think I was dipped in strawberry sauce and Kingston who also comes running to me as I’m some sort of refuge from the cold-hard world of preschool made me wonder—Is this how my Daddy sees me when I come running back, so excited and happy for all He’s done? Kharielle and Kingston are secure. They know I’m always going to feed, clothe, hug, discipline, and love them unconditionally. Is this what the Living God sees when He sees ME? Is this warm-oozy, overjoyed, feeling of pure love what God feels when we come running for Him to pick us up? When we count on Him to supply our every need? When we count on Him to love us like nobody on this earth can do? When we know, like a child, that He is the only source for our security and love? 

Joel 2:13 “Don’t tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead.” Return to the LORD your God, for he is merciful and compassionate, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He is eager to relent and not punish.”

I was talking with one of my best friends the other day. He’s a stubborn man. He is a believer to an extent, but just can’t believe that God could ever forgive him for all the wrong that he’s done. If there was a testimony, a sermon, or a prayer I could deliver, my friend would be saved. But I’ve learned “not by power, not by might, but by My Spirit, says the Lord.” As far as the life of a sinner, I lived it and lived it well. I like to tell people that I know my entire testimony sounds unbelievable, I wasn’t one of those people that turned from God and went out in the world for a short time to get dusty. No, I was a mud person. I went in the world and got as dirty as any one person can. I wallowed in squalor. When I made my mind up that I was so angry with God for all He had done to me I went in the world with a head-first dive into sin. I was raised with the false doctrine, “Once saved, always saved.” So to me, I could reason that I could curse God and go against everything His Word says and be okay… What a lie from the pits of hell ?!?!?! 

Psalm 40:2 

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.

The firm foundation is Jesus. He is the good ground where we can securely place our hearts. I praise God for my ten-millionth chance. I don’t tell everyone I know about Jesus out of spiritual arrogance, it’s because of that feeling in my car that day. That feeling on July 3, 2013 when God reached down from heaven through a chosen vessel and broke so much mud off of me through the laying on of holy hands, I could see again, I wasn’t lost anymore. I thank God for my freedom. I thank God that all I gotta do is yell out to my Brother JESUS and He is quick to help me! The son of God of the universe calls me friend!? Isn’t that enough? It seems foolish to those that are perishing, but to God I pray, “STAND UP SPIRIT MAN!” in Jesus’ name. 

Luke 15: 7,10 I say to you that likewise there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine just persons who need no repentance…there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

I pray that peace finds you today. 


Beyonce’ should be ashamed.



I got cable a few weeks ago. Not my decision, but after 7 years of not having it, I was EXCITED! Or at least I though I was. It turns out, I still don’t think we should pay a company, that gets paid by advertisers, to advertise to us. Why does the cable company get paid by both?  But anyhow, I was doing research on the web and took a break.  I happened to log on to fb and saw all the commotion about Beyonce’. My curiousity got the best of me and after a quick prayer of covering my eyes with the blood of Jesus, I turned it on. 

Mind you, a few of the people in my newsfeed raving about her performance are “baptized in the Holy Ghost, bible-thumping believers,” but that’s none of my business though. 

Anyhow. What a disgusting display of unclean, filth. How did we go from Whitney Houston “I will always love you” to basically having sex on an open stage WITH HER CHILD & HUSBAND IN THE AUDIENCE? Mind you, I don’t watch music videos and I don’t listen to secular music, so it was all a shock to my spirit. It was all just too much. I could actually discern the seducing, baphomet-azazel spirit enticing everyone in. Taylor Swift was tranced out to the music. Everybody in the audience was having the best time of their lives, but they weren’t cognitive. It was so strange. I think they call it- “spellbound.” What is even stranger is that it is similar to what corporate worship of Jesus Christ/Yahweh looks like at churches everywhere. Except the Beyonce’ counterfeit to that.  It was the worship at the synagogue of satan. 

I spent years enticed into this lifestyle of glamorous, sensuality. I spent years getting the hairstyles, the clothes, the makeup, the extensions. Years of drinking champagne, hypnotic, & hennessy. Years of poppin’ pills and smokin’ weed. And although the entertainers were selling me this lifestyle and hype. On the inside; completely empty, used, and sad. Of course I had daddy-issues, most girls of the 80’s and 90’s do. I looked to anything to make me feel legit and accepted. 

Anyhow. Sex is not a sport. It is a sacred, convenant-producing bond. In a world where sex is simply ‘hooking up’ and nothing more. Where people join in the most sacred of covenants between two people here on earth, joining their souls together; but you better not ‘catch feelings.’ In a world where young men & women have become nothing but a dumping ground and the climb to the top is seeing who can “do the most.” Who can get the most likes on their riske’ photos and twerk videos. Sure, people have fornicated for all of eternity. But we have now entered into a time where anything and everything goes. Men are women and women are men. What’s wrong is right and what’s right is wrong. Do you realize that when you form that covenant- you walk around with that person’s soul tied to your own? Do you realize that the more people you sleep with, the more soul-junk you carry? No wonder everybody is crazy.  

I get it. I was there. But now I’m here, take my hand, let me help you over here. 

You look so happy on the outside—but you lack joy. You pop off, stay angry, like cursing out folks is pretty— you lack peace. You talk down and scream at your kids or pay them no-nevermind except for your pics for a fictional happy life of social media—you lack patience. Aren’t you tired? Exhausted and empty? Don’t you want more? Don’t you want life? 

I encourage you and I am deeply praying for you that you find a deliverance ministry. A place where equipped, called, and chosen men & women of God can help pray off all the chains. Where you can receive your freedom. Where the Holy Ghost can come in and wash you clean. Not some ol’ church having folks, but some servants on a mission to build the Kingdom of God here on earth as it is in heaven. Break all the ties that bind. Loose all those heavy chains. Walk lighter, stand upright, take off the guilt and shame. Repent and be transformed. 

I love you, but God loves you more. Yahweh, the creator of the heavens and the earth-YOUR creator. Your parents didn’t make you. People can’t make people. God does! You ARE special, you ARE important, you ARE needed. 

Beyonce’ may “have it all” by worldly standards, but I’m praying for her salvation as well. And Jay-Z. And the baby too. 









Romans 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear, but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, “Abba! Father!”



Spirit of Suicide

Within the last few days, the media has been in a firestorm after comedian Robin Williams committed suicide. Incessantly they pound his accomplishments, fan’s comments, and anguish of his family on that which is known as the “news.” Twenty-four hours a day nothing but mental health experts, opinionated bloggers, and clips of the comedic genius that is Robin Williams. Then endless facebook rants, tribute memes, and calls for R.I.P. It is enough to make my head swim. Especially after seeing the most popular blog, “Suicide is Not Selfish.” The blogger is correct, suicide isn’t selfish. However, suicide isn’t selfless either.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Sandi and I had been dear friends for almost our entire lifetime and at the age of 21, that means about 15 years. I was about finished with beauty school at this time so I casually decided to dip out for the day. I made it home and checked my cell phone. I noticed that I had about 7 missed calls and as I turned the ringer back on one of my other dearest friends, Nora, was calling me. I answered and in a panic she asked, “Have you talked to Sandi? Becki have you heard anything about Sandi?” I answered her with, “Yeah I just talked to her last week, why?” Nora said, “I heard she just shot herself.” Exasperated I said, “No way that can’t be true. I’ll call her and call you back.” As soon as I could slap my flip-phone back together another call comes in from my younger brother’s girlfriend and she’s screaming in the phone “Did Sandi shoot herself?” By this point my heart is literally about to jump out of my chest. I can barely breathe. I immediately take off for Sandi’s house. She lived about 15 minutes from my house down a long, winding dirt road. We grew up four wheeling down this road, getting dirtier that any southern girl should. We went splashing in the shallow creek on this road. We spent long summer days “walkin’ down the road,” laughing, and talking about who we would surely married when were older. This day the road seemed to never end. I arrived at her house and nobody was there. No sirens, no yellow tape, just peaceful silence. I called everyone back and yelled, “that’s a lie and when I find out who started it ‘imma kick their a–‘.” By this time I had talked to many people on the phone. But they kept on pushing me, saying the rumor was spreading like wildfire. I finally decided I was just going to go to the local hospital that was right down the street. Surely, I would finally be able to put this mess to rest. As I turned into the hospital I could barely make it in the parking lot good. I threw the car in park in the middle of the lane. Sandi’s family and dearest friends were all in tears and all congregated outside of the hospital. I was so confused, because nobody would really tell me anything. I couldn’t understand. Then all of the sudden I could see her Mother coming out through the glass doors. She was just a shell of a woman. I walked up to her and she embraced me and moved my hair out of my face and told me, “Sandi’s dead Becki, she’s gone.” Then her older Brother, who happened to be best friends with my older brother that had been killed in a car accident four years earlier, hugged me and we had a good cry. It was all too much. I got in the car and drove off in a daze of misunderstanding.

Sandi and I grew up in church together. We sang gospel music together. I knew she was saved and after the funeral I could find some peace because I knew she knew Jesus. Although I didn’t really have too much peace, because I went out and got more drunk than I’d ever been and popped some ecstacy.  A few weeks later I ended up getting a prescription Xanax and continued pounding drinks like a champ. By this time I been doing this routine, along with smoking copious amounts of pot since I was 17. This cycle continued until I woke up one day at the age of 27. I was in a dead-end, abusive, co-dependent relationship, with three kids to boot. I had a salon, two employees, and a horrific lortab addiction. I was blessed in so many ways, yet cursed too. I cried out to Jesus, He heard my plea, and delivered me from all my afflictions. (Psalm 34) Within a week I would close my business, sell off most of my stuff, and move 87 miles away.

In the last few years God has really done a work on me (Phillipians 1:6) and their are many witnesses to attest to that. I have gone from a baby in Christ, barely even able to “drink the milk” without getting offended–to being able to eat tough meat, no choking, serving in a deliverance tabernacle ministry. I have been baptized in the Holy Ghost and although I am far from “perfect” (which means mature in the New Testament) I have certainly received some revelation on a few things in my past and I have received healing. God is so glorious!

I was angry with my friend Sandi for many years. I would see her Mother at a local grocery store and she was just tattered and heartbroken. I would see her brother loading up his beer cooler while I was buying cigars. Her death brought on such devastation that cannot even be explained. I recognize now that suicide isn’t a personal decision, so it is neither selfish nor selfless. It is a SPIRIT that takes over. When we sin and fail to repent, we open ourselves freely to the darkness. Satan has legal ground to torment and terrorize and without constant prayer, our minds are easily manipulated and controlled by this master of deception. That demonic spirit can attach itself to you and without becoming a born again believer and acknowledging your authority in Christ Jesus, it could very easily lead to the outcome of Robin Williams or my dear friend. The Word of God in Mark 16:15-18 states “Go into all the world and preach the Gospel, He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but he who has disbelieved shall be condemned. These signs will accompany those who have believed: in My name they will cast out demons, they will speak with new tongues; they will pick up serpents, and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.”

I know that most people, when I start talking about demonic spirits and devils, shut down. We, as a society, have been conditioned to believe that science, pharmaceuticals, and psychology hold the answer to helping us with our “problem.” If we just go to a rehab, get hours upon hours of counseling, and “find ourselves” we will be able to overcome. I grew up with that famous lady (don’t wanna get sued by a billionaire), everyday at 3 o’clock taking us on a journey to get to the bottom of our issues and subsequently we would be able to bring about happiness and joy in our everyday lives. We should just put on the victim mentality, address all of our scars publicly on her show, and magically we would be healed. Yet, when I say demons and devils people cringe? Even people, who consider themselves Disciples of Jesus Christ buy into this new-age malarkey? But how do we have an understanding of Jesus Christ, who He is, and what He is if we don’t understand He cast out demons, devils, and even stood toe-to-toe with satan for forty days and forty nights. (Matt. 12: 43-45, Matt. 8:28, Mark 3:11,etc.) You’ve read all the books about finding yourself, but maybe the answer lies in finding out who your Creator is, Jehovah God-Yahweh. He created you. So therefore if you want to find yourself, it is He who holds the key. Romans 16:19 tells us “I want you to be wise in what is good, and simple concerning evil.”

The matter is really simple. I have personally had the spirit of suicide come over me. I know it is not of God. It is the enemy attacking my mind so that I will not fulfill my purpose and plan that God created me for. “Father God, in the name of Jesus, I recognize that a spirit of suicide has overtaken my mind. Father, I repent for any and all sins I have done knowingly and unknowingly and I ask that you cleanse me by the blood of Jesus Christ from all iniquity and spirits that are not of you. I will be sure to give you all the glory, praise, and honor. In Jesus name I ask, Amen.”

At the end of blogs about suicide normally they give you a national suicide hotline phone number. I am not downplaying the good work they do, but I just know that Jesus is the ultimate healer. He is the way, the truth, and the life (John 14:6). He came and sacrificed His life on the cross so that you may have life and have it more abundantly (John 10:10). He came so that you CAN go boldly before the Throne of Grace and He, only He, is there to intercede and plead your case to the Father (Romans 8:34, Hebrews 4:16).  I would ask that if you have been overtaken by this spirit that you google any of these phrases and go into the house of the Lord “deliverance tabernacle” “full gospel church” “deliverance ministry” … I pray that this helps someone on the battlefield.

I will close with Luke 10:17 “Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!”

Shalom, Shalom (Peace, Peace)


(((based on a true testimony and story, names have been changed to protect identities.)))

I had to do something.


Is it just me, or does the world look hopeless at this point? Let me start of a little better. Hi, my name is Becki. Actually my name is Rebecca, but thanks to my Mother moving me to a little rural town in the deep south I’ll forever be Becki. I tried to change that all of my life when meeting new people, but unfortunately it never sticks. I am a born-again Christian. I know I’ll be persecuted for that, but such is the history of Christians. Please, don’t equate my country, the good ole’ USA as being a Christian nation. It is anything but. It was however, founded on Judeo Christian law but the whole cornerstone of this country was to flee religious persecution. Alas, Jesus wasn’t a capitalist. No matter what these Southern Politians may tell you. So now that you gather that I am the sworn enemy of mainstream media and scholars alike let me add yet another twist. I am also a Floridian. For a little icing, I’m a single-mother of four children. That’s right, four.
So now that I have stacked every odd against any reader taking me remotely serious I will begin. I have had this sense of urgency for at least the last six months. It could be because of the re-election of Barack Obama and anyone in the South knows that was problem for us. However, I voted for the guy. Twice. Just like I voted for George W. Twice. To say I feel disenfranchised and disappointed in my country would be an understatement. I feel the American Dream my Parents and Presidents sold me growing up turned out to make both a lie. You know, if you work hard enough and treat people well one day you will be able to have a family, minivan, and ranch-style home. I wonder, except a few college educated peers with debt the size of Texas, who is actually living out the American Dream? A very few whose parents forced them to make the right decisions and came from money. Mostly white. Every time I point that out people get angry. If you’re a minority you get mad because it’s wrong, but right. If you’re white you get mad because it’s both wrong, but right. To say that everyone comes from a remotely even playing field and we are all given the same opportunities is totally inaccurate. But when we were growing up, thanks to that old American Dream, we believed it could be possible. No nevermind, our race, creed, or socioeconomic status.
I am beginning this blog because the Bible instructs me to. Isaiah 10:1-2
“Woe to those who make unjust laws, to those who issue oppressive decrees, to deprive the poor of their rights and withhold justice from the oppressed of my people, making widows their prey and robbing the fatherless.” … When I look at my country post 9/11 I see so many laws and policies that were created under the guise of good, but have proven to be opressive. We were a country founded on Freedom and now we are anything but. From the Patriot Act to drones. From GMO’s to Newtown. This country and it’s leaders are on a mission. Whether they realize it or not, they are inching us closer to the prophesy in the Book of Revelation. I will be addressing all of these pressing issues. I want to educate my peers and offer solutions to some of our Nation’s biggest problems.
The American People, my bretheren, have been fooled by this Republican/Democrat extremism for too long. Both sides have moved so far left and right that nothing is getting accomplished and soon our country will pay the ultimate price if “We the People” don’t do something fast. We cannot allow Big Banks and Corporations with their limitless campaign contributions to ruin our nation and turn my people into modern-day serfs. If you don’t think it can happen because you are passified on $40,000 a year and the Kardashians I would urge you to turn off the TV. Go check out the Huffington Post or even Al Jazeera. Get in a Bible-centered church where you can study the Bible and have fellowship with like believers.